My sister and I also had a softer side of play. We played in our one room schoolhouse that our father built us in our backyard. We had a library in a cove under the stairs. We played quietly for hours with dolls and loved to read. My three year old son by contrast has two speeds, fast or asleep. He is loud, boisterous, sporty and assertive. His cars crash into each other and his super heroes fight. He loves to wrestle with his father and play in dirt piles in the yard.
I feel fortunate to be raising my boys with a partner who was like them as a child but also has a very calm and tender side. This, we agree on, is what we want for our children. The lingering question is how?
How do we raise boys who feel free to run, jump, play, get dirty, crash cars and wrestle while also having a tender side? We want our boys to learn to share and to be caring to those around them. We want them to know that it is OK to express their emotions, whatever that emotion may be. We want them to feel strong and self possessed while also considering the feelings of others and knowing that what they say and do effects the people around them.
Sometimes it feels like a tall order, especially on the long week days when I am alone with them. Every morning my toddler asks me to cuddle and tells me he loves me. He kisses his brother and asks to hold him. He apologizes when he causes hurt (to me at least) and tries to help me take care of the baby. I see glimpses of the compassionate man I hope he will become.I have to trust that in our efforts to raise these boys we are doing many things right.
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