Nighttime Snuggles

Five months after having a baby I feel like I am still pregnant. Every day my son takes multiple naps, most of them in a sling or a wrap. So I walk around with 18 pounds strapped to my chest. At night we share our bed with him.

Gabo napping in his sling.

We didn't consciously choose to bed share. After the birth of our first son we were allowed to keep him in a bassinet in our room as long as we agreed to put him to sleep in it. I happily agreed and then happily fell asleep with him on my chest. When we were discharged I thought that it was best for him to sleep on me while he was still so small. When I returned to work he was 12 weeks old and those hours of nighttime snuggling were precious.

When I was six months pregnant and the size of a small tool shed Paddy transitioned into his own room. Gabriel was born via c-section on May 1st. He was brought to the nursery soon after I was wheeled to recovery. He was placed on oxygen. A few hours later we were informed that he needed to be transported to a larger hospital better equipped for a baby on oxygen. We were told that they were unable to taper him off and that policy indicated the need to move him. He would be sent via ambulance on his own. My husband could follow by car and I could potentially be transferred the following morning. When the head of pediatrics started his shift he informed us our baby could stay and he was able to slowly wean him off the oxygen. After 15 hours I was able to hold him and nurse him, tube free. I held on to him and did not want to let go. Even though I wouldn't be returning to work I couldn't bear to sleep away from him.

Gabo in the nursery after his birth.

We have a co-sleeper attached to our bed so I have a convenient place to store diapers and spit up rags. He is now too big to sleep in it even if I wanted to try. His crib remains empty in his nursery except when it is full of laundry. At his four month appointment I inquired about transitioning him to his crib for naps. My back hurts and I could use a reprieve during the day. She suggested that I put him in his crib drowsy but awake. Last night I did. Armed with a pacifier and his turtle mobile I placed him in his crib. The first few times I left the room he scooted himself around and cooed. The fourth time he cried. The fifth he cried earnestly. The sixth he was hysterical. I reached into his crib to rub his belly. He locked onto my eyes with his and grabbed the sleeve of my shirt. That put me over the edge. Out of the crib he came and into my bed we went. It was 7:45 pm. 

Though I am not a night person I do miss being upright that early in the evening. I miss cuddling on the couch with my husband and toddler. I miss the ability to brush my teeth with two free hands. But I know that a year from now I will miss snuggling in bed with my chunky little baby boy and waking up to his smiling, cooing face. For now I will trade wakeful hours for nighttime snuggles.