Preschool Anxiety

Before I could get to his cubby Paddy took off his jacket and raced into his classroom. He happily said goodbye and when I picked him up asked why he couldn't go five days a week. I told him that we needed time to do other things like go to the park and the children's museum. The real answer is that I'm not ready.

Paddy's first day of preschool.

 

 

I am happy that he likes school. I know that it is important for him. He is becoming independent, making new friends, blah, blah, blah. But really, I am happy for him and he is doing great with the transition. I, on the other hand, am not.

 

Two Wednesday nights in a row I have had nightmares. Fortunately I did not have to pull out a dream book to make the connection. After all I am dropping him off at a school with a written lost child policy in the event your child becomes lost in the woods.

 

On our drive home from his first day Paddy excitedly reported that a teacher had recently seen a bear outside of the classroom window. When Paddy was six months old my husband walked outside to follow a bear who was walking behind our pool. I locked the sliding glass door behind him. You can't be too careful when it comes to bears.

 

I digress. The point is that whenever I am asked how preschool is going I will respond that it is great while my brain screams at me that it's not great, it is scary and I'm not ready for my baby to grow up.

 

 

My favorite baby picture of Paddy.

 

For the time being I will probably continue to awaken on Thursday mornings and shake off my bad dreams from the night before. I will assure myself that I have not lost my child and that most likely his teachers won't either. I will remind myself that although he might get a few scrapes and mosquito bites he probably won't sustain any major injuries. Eventually I hope that my brain will believe these things and I can sleep peacefully again.

 

One day I will accept that my baby boy is no longer a baby and that I need to let go a little and trust other capable adults. In the meantime he will continue to wear his new blue and neon orange shoes to school, just in case.