Co-parenting: Stepping in So Nobody Loses Their Shit

I was sitting at the computer in the living room searching for finger foods for our eight-month-old. My husband was sitting in a chair across the room, the baby sitting at his feet. Our four-year-old was bouncing around the room, jumping on his father and nudging the baby.

"Be careful with the baby. Paddy ... be careful with the baby."

Then the bang and the scream. The scene changed. Paddy sat frozen on the floor. My husband rushed to pick up the screaming baby. He thrust the baby into my arms, picked Paddy up and carried him sideways, kicking and screaming to his room.

A few moments later Paddy was crying hysterically in his room. I was checking the baby's mouth for broken teeth and putting a wet cloth on his bleeding lip. My husband was seething.

I walked to our toddler's room, handed the baby to my husband and said I would talk to Paddy.

Then it hit me. This is what co-parenting is. It is stepping in so that the other parent doesn't lose their shit.

At times I feel like I have an invisible scoreboard. There is so much focus on shared responsibility with shared parenting. Is each parent changing his or her share of diapers? Is each parent spending the same amount of time with the children?

Yet, that's not what it is about.

It is about knowing when your partner has reached their limit and when it is just too hard.

It is about my husband taking the baby in the middle of the night when I am so exhausted that I can't possibly take another step.

It is about tagging in and talking to our toddler when he has pushed every button that his father has.

It is about the long conversations we have after the children sleep, talking about what happened, reassuring the other that they did the best they could.