I was painfully shy growing up. I had a small group of friends that I stuck close to. I would not seek out new friends to play with and would prefer to play alone than approach someone I didn't know. Much later, as an adult, navigating the professional world was not easy. Yet, I learned to be more outspoken and confident, eventually taking on a supervisory position that tossed me miles beyond my comfort zone.
Then, I brought my almost two-year-old son to story-time at a local library. I had been a stay-at-home mom for an entire week and, suddenly, I had to navigate this whole new social world. I was thrust into a situation where other moms knew each other and I had to decide whether to stand in a corner or become one of them.
Admittedly, there were some tears when I recounted my day to my husband and wondered how I would ever fit in. Over the last few years, however, it has become so much easier. Today, I even approach other mothers to engage them in small talk. I've come leaps and bounds from that first uncomfortable play-group.
Yet, as I am feeling more at ease with other moms, my son is trying to find his way with other kids. Watching him navigate his little social world is both amazing and painful. About a year ago Paddy kicked a little boy in the face. We were at the library and at the time, he wanted to do anything but play with others. We had to cut a few library trips short.
Today, though, Paddy has become a gregarious, friendly soon-to-be four-year-old who seeks out playmates wherever we go. I watch him approach kids at the library, playground and children's museum. I watch him develop fast friends. And, I watch him get rejected. As I watch, I wonder: How should I handle situations when Paddy is being rejected and I know other children are being mean?
Recently, I sat pretending my butt was glued to a park bench as Paddy tried to play with two other children who clearly did not want to become a threesome. Soon my nephew intervened, distracting Paddy long enough for him to find a little girl who wanted to play with him. My stomach churned and I won't repeat the words I shared with my adult nephew when he confirmed my fears that the children were being less than friendly.
After these situations I am left reeling, wondering whether my son's feelings have been hurt. Yet, I don't want to project my own introverted insecurities on my child so I struggle with how to react. I say to myself as long as he is not being physically intimidated or name called, I will do my best not to intervene. I know that he needs to learn how to behave in social situations and being an over-bearing mother will not help him.
With that said, it is so hard.
My heart breaks a little every time he is rejected. I know it will happen over and over again and that I will eventually be picking up the pieces of his broken heart. I just didn't expect it to happen so quickly, and that it would be the pieces of my own heart I would be picking up. I did not realize that as the mother of a toddler, I would have to figure out how to behave myself. I did not realize that after I learned how to open up in my professional life, and after l learned how to socialize in my stay-at-home-mom life, I would now have to learn playground etiquette, too.
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