Unsolicited Advice to My Childless Self: Be Selfish

Before I had children I took so many things for granted. I read whenever I wanted, curled up on the couch for hours after a bad day at work, didn't think twice about running to the store to buy just one thing.

Friends and family members with kids would offer me one piece of advice: "Enjoy it," they'd say. "Once you have a family, everything changes." I've never really appreciated unsolicited advice (although I am guilty of giving it). I probably should have listened a little more.

Now I am sitting here, listening to Teletubbies and my two young boys yelling at each other. Every so often I notice the pile of popcorn on the floor growing as my 18-month-old methodically empties his bowl, one handful at a time.

And I wonder, what unsolicited advice would I give my childless self?

• Sleep: Forget the idea that you "sleep enough when you are dead." Sleep now. Sleep whenever and wherever you can. I haven't had a full night of sleep since 2010. It is now 2015.

• Call in sick: Don't be a martyr. If you are sick, stay home. Curl up in bed, drink hot tea and sleep. Once you have children (and I speak as a stay-at-home mom) there is nobody to call in sick to. If you are sick, your children and spouse are probably sick too and you will live in the land of "suck it up."

• Don't be so hard on yourself: Don't focus so much on your weight or compare yourself to others. Enjoy every piece of chocolate that touches your lips. Once you have kids your hips will spread and your belly will be mushy. But, none of that will matter so don't let it matter so much now. 

• Enjoy the quiet: Every day sit in a room, by yourself and just be quiet. Once you have kids you will live with a perpetual wall of sound. Not complaining, just saying.

• Close the bathroom door: Every time you walk into the bathroom, close the door. Even if you are just going in to wash your hands or grab the towels to wash. Close the door and memorize what it looks like. Once you have kids you will never see the back of the door again. 

Trying to close the bathroom door.

• Don't complain about having to clean: It is hard to understand now, but you will miss being able to clean. You will miss the smell and look of a freshly mopped floor. You will miss walking through your house without tripping on toys or stepping on a freshly chewed and spit out apple peel.

So, childless self, I have one piece of unsolicited advice for you: Be selfish.